The pediatrician’s office is packed. The sign on the left side of the room reads “Waiting Area for Sick Children” and less than two feet from that – “Waiting Area for Healthy Children”…which is as effective as having a peeing and non-peeing sides in the public swimming pool… unless of course, there is an invisible wall that keeps germs from going those extra two feet. My hands are going numb from trying to hold squirmy Leila – she is desperate to make out with that snot covered kid on the other side of the room. I give her my phone and my keys – last gadgets to keep her in my lap … The waiting room is smaller than my living room. I can almost feel little germ feet crawling up my nostrils, hanging Christmas lights and sending out New Year’s party invitations to 300 closest friends and family.
It’s our 9 month wellness check up – I expect to be in and out of this germ factory in less than a minute. The nurse starts flipping through Leila’s file… back and forth…. back and forth…. a year later she finally looks at me:
She doesn’t have the N1H1 shot?
No. We decided not to give that to her.
Oh that’s ok – it is free.
I’m aware of that.
She stares at me for another year and leaves the room without a saying a word. I love when people do that – a little mystery in my life. A moment later she returns with a form – a waiver, to be exact…. which basically says that I have been informed about all the dangers of the N1H1 virus and the vaccine has been offered to my child, however as any unfit child-neglecting mother I refuse to vaccinate my baby. I sign it. Can I go now?
I should probably clarify that I am not against N1H1 vaccine. There are too many resources and too much information about this. I hate that the media is thriving on public fear. I hate that half of the “reliable” and “well-known” medical organizations are being sponsored by profiteering drug companies. I hate that my doctor’s office is wallpapered with horror stories and vaccination propaganda. Bottom line is, whatever you decide – you are taking a risk. Only this season you get to choose how you want to die. Either way, the dude on the street corner was right - the end of the world is here.
Oh, trust me, I am not brave. I doubt and second-guess my decision only about a million times per day, every day. The Internet communication boards and social networks are overflowing with pros and cons… some of my friends are pro, some against, some doctors are pro, others say they would never ever, under any circumstances inject a child with a brand new, poorly tested vaccine. Short term effects, long-term effects, stats of hospitalized people, dead people, young, old…. die die die WE ARE ALL GOING TO DIE!
Two days later I am back in the office. Leila’s head is resting on my chest. I can feel her burning even through my sweater. 102. I haven’t slept all night. I feel like crying. Second- guessing the shit out of myself and my obviously non-existent motherhood instinct. This time we get another doctor (there are three of them in the same office). He says it’s nothing – just a regular flu that will be over in 48 hours. I cross my fingers, believing.
Oh… I saw your waiver. You know… generally it’s a good idea to vaccinate your child in times like these…. says the doctor as he ROLLS HIS EYES at me.
I know, it’s just that there is so much information… I don’t know if talking is a good idea – I’m just inches away from the edge.
Where do you people get your information from?! BBC?
…BBC?
I know, I know…. she is your property and you can do what you want.
She is my CHILD… jumping of the edge… looking down to hide my tears.
I didn’t mean it that way…
I slam the door (in my head). I am getting new pediatrician in January. Meanwhile… the December is not over yet… and of course, two days later Leila’s fever is down but she develops a million red spots on her torso. Yes… I am in the same office AGAIN. This time I get the third doctor – the asshole’s wife. It’s just Roseola virus – the spots are the last stage of illness and Leila is not even contagious anymore. Wonderful… but before I leave….
Listen, I’ve worked in this field for 37 years… I’ve never seen an epidemic so bad… I am begging you to reconsider.
Fuck you thank you, I’m leaving your ass in 2 weeks I will think about it.
At home. Tired. Listening to Leila’s cough in the next room. I open my email…my friend is in the hospital with her 12 month old baby… pneumonia. Close my email. I am back on the edge.
Roseola sucks. We had that fun earlier this year and it was anything but enjoyable to watch your beautiful child run a fever for days on end.
As another parent that has opted out of the H1N1 vaccine this year, it bothers me that you are treated like a pariah and a horrible parent for making an educated choice that is right for your family. I would expect my doctor to give me the pro and cons and recommend vaccination. But to roll their eyes at you, act like you are an idiot, make you sign a waver and then act like Leila and your cat are equal property of yours (the worst parent ever) is awful!!!
If you were in Europe your pediatrician would not recommend nearly the same number of vaccines for Leila. The world is not in agreement as to how many and what types of vaccines a healthy child should receive. I could rant on but I’ll save it for a play date. I’m so sorry that happened to you. *internet hug*
Wow. First of all, ((HUGS)). What A-Holes all those nurses and pediatricians are!! Ugh. I hate how some people prey on peoples emotions, on a parents concern for their child. You’ll find the right pediatrician for Leila. They are out there; we have a great one.
Second, deciding on getting the h1n1 vaccine is so nobodies business. I feel differently about other vaccines but for the FLU?? Come on. We all live in a modern society and are responsible parents. Our kids are going to get immediate medical attention when needed, including if they get h1n1. It’s TREATABLE. Sheesh. Guess you can tell HOT didn’t get it either?
But we did get the regular flu vaccine. I’m an enigma, no? :\
Wow! Sucky treatment by all three docs. I feel ya because I don’t love our pediatricians either (there are 20 of them in the same office!) and I keep arguing with Jeremy about switching–and I lose every time! Since he’s a doctor specializing in pediatrics (anesthesia), he trumps me in terms of who he thinks are the most educated and best equipped docs around here. But still. They are impersonal, they hand out antibiotics like candy, they tell you to come for a follow up (to see if there is still fluid in your baby’s ear, since she’s working on her 4th ear infection in her short life) but then say they can only schedule follow ups 24 hours in advance like a sick visit (WHAT?!). Eh. Sadly I wish I truly thought it might be better somewhere else, and I’d fight my husband more on it…but I don’t think it will be. The bonus is they have evening and weekend sick hours and they’re pretty readily available. They did hand out a manifesto about their vaccination policy, though, which basically said if you want to split your kids vaccinations or not vaccinate (for the recommended ones, not the flu or H1N1) you should look elsewhere for a doctor. Hardcore! At any rate I did get Annabelle both the regular flu and the H1N1 virus as she’s prone to these ear infections, her daycare teacher had the flu, and all those germy kids she hangs out with all day there three days a week give me the heebie geebies. But everyone, docs included, should respect a mother’s right to decide what’s best for a her child in terms of something like that…good for you for switching practices!!
Daiva – I’m sorry that you are going through this. I think there is not much scarier when you have a child than dealing with a fever. I had never gotten Tommy vaxed for the flu ever but always had with Austin. It’s kind of strange. I just kind of figured it’s better for Tommy to fight off these things because he’s stronger where Austin I worry more with his CP. Tommy had the flu something fierce last year but Austin was spared. This year I got all into the media hype and had all three vaxed for both seasonal and H1N1, Joe and I though; I still feel it’s better for us to fight these things. It makes you stronger immunity wise right? You just don’t know though, go with the risk for the flu, or the vax risk? The stresses we parents have. I hope your new pediatrician you switch to can be more understanding of your wishes.
Sorry to ramble, just wanted to sympathize with your struggles. Hope she’s feeling better soon.
What d-bags! I’m horrified on your behalf. I got the H1N1 for my baby and then I felt terrible about it because two days later she was in the ER with a 104 fever, though they swore it wasn’t related. But when I asked my ped if she needed the follow up shot he was all, “eh, not so much.” So it was vital that I get the first one, the reaction was not related, but don’t get the follow up? Methinks there are some contradictions there.
They’re pushing this vaccine business hard. It makes me kinda paranoid. I hope you find a new ped that isn’t as douche-y.
Whoa….thanks for all the hugs and the love! I was just telling my husband how last night I wrote a long-ass post and how nobody is going to read it, because it’s just too long! You just doubled your good karma for next year, for sure. Who else would be there to confirm that I am NOT CRAZY?! I cannot wait for this flu season to be over. Wishing you all happy and healthy holidays!
Love,
mrs.notouching
Girl, that’s what moms do for their kids – fight, yell, curse, threaten, cry, write long blogs about it, get all of the world moms and girldfriends’ support, go to sleep, get up and do the same until their babies grow up and move out…or they never stop doing it. Sending lots of love and hugs! Happy holidays to You, Leila, Dennis, and Max.
J