You know that mom at the playground with three kids that always looks like she just stepped out of a magazine cover? Me neither. The truth is that there just comes a time in your life when sleeping through the night, eating in peace and wearing high-heals just gets old. At least that’s what happened to me. How hard can it be to take care of a 7lb roommate?! Well… it was harder than expected, but at the same time more enjoyable than we had ever imagined. By the time Leila was 9 months I was back to taking daily showers, which to me was a clear sign from the universe that we were ready for another baby.
“Oh, honey, you don’t want TWO toddlers! Wait a few years, relax…” said my childless OBGYN.
“Stop this nonsense baby-talk! Wait until Leila is older so that she can help you a little” spoke my mother from experience of having her 10-year old practically raise a baby while everybody went back to work. And trust me, trying to look cool when you are 13-years old is hard enough without having a 3-year-old attached to your leg. So I took their advice with a grain of salt and a pack of Zoloft.
It was a textbook conception – I calculated my ovulation, emailed my husband which day he needed to be home early, kept my legs up for 20 minutes, 2 weeks later I peed on the stick and voilà- baby #2 is in the oven! Fireworks! Champagne! Parade! Oh wait… that was the reaction I got the first time. This time?
“You are pregnant AGAIN? … Congratulations…?”
“You are so brave!”
“Wow! I couldn’t do it.”
“Congratulations…. but are you CRAZY?!”
“I gotta tell you… you are insane!”
Well OK, the “crazy” and fhe “insane” part came in only after I clarified that we conceived this baby entirely sober and completely aware we had a 9-month old sleeping in another room. I never had an illusion that it will be easy-breezy-beautiful, but hearing all those reactions does make me question myself a little bit. Am I crazy? Just a little bit? A lot? (professional opinion, Abby?) Maybe I am living in a bubble of denial thinking that I can do it, that my marriage can survive this and I can raise two perfectly healthy and happy kids. Maybe. But for now I just want to bask in my hormone induced happiness and my beautiful beautiful boobs that are finally… slowly but surely filling in cup A – a few more weeks and it will make a perfect Valentine’s Day gift for my husband.
- posted 1 day ago
All you can do is what is right for your family. If it is right for you, great, let the rest of us bask in the cuteness of the No-Touching kid photos for a while until we realize there is no good time for the first, second or any other number child and just get right on over ourselves and do it. Pun mostly intended.
The rest, well, as my loving family would put it; Opinions are like assholes, everyone has one.
Congratulations and fireworks on baby #2. I’ll have a glass of champagne for you and the tiny boss next time we are out and about like grown-ups.
Not only do I have no doubt that you can raise two (or more) toddlers at the same time, but I know that you can and will do an awesome job with it. And Leila confirms my statement
I don’t think you’re crazy at all. I think two kids are probably more difficult than one no matter how far apart they are in age. What matters is that YOU are ready. And it sounds like you are.
My reaction: Fireworks and champagne!! (I love the idea of more adorable baby pictures!)
So basically life is hard with a baby. Add a toddler into the mix, and it’s even harder. But here’s the thing: I would rather have my life be really hard for five years than just hard for ten. Spreading them out just prolongs the total amount of time you have children in diapers. Just get it all over with at once! So no, I don’t think you’re crazy, at least not any more crazy than any of us who choose to hand over our lives to tiny dictators.
You’re not crazy at all. And having them closer in age is better anyway.
You are defintiely not crazy but…. I have to say that because my kids are so close together too! No seriously it will be hard at first but you and your marriage will survive. It is so fun now that Amelia and Johnnie interact together and I have no doubt they will be great friends for life.
You are not crazy, you’re LUCKY! There’s so many women out there trying to have a baby. When I first saw your ultrasound pic, i was jealous! I think having kids closer together is better than farther apart. Congrats on knowing that you were ready for #2!!
Uh oh, asking a professional opinion from one of the ones who called you brave? Now THAT’S crazy!!
Just kidding. In fact, I think you might be one of the sanest people I know. Honestly! You know what’s right for you and your family, you trust it, you go for it, and you don’t apologize. I was right there with you thinking I’d be the breastfeeding, baby wearing, earth mama… HA. We both realized quickly what would work for us and what wouldn’t, and that’s a sure sign of sanity. 
Doing what doesn’t work repeatedly is where crazy comes in. You’re a fabulous mom with a good head on her shoulders, so even though having two little ones around might be a lot of work, if anyone can handle it, you can. And (ok, here comes the professional part) it sounds like a lot of this might stem from your own experience of being so FAR removed chronologically from your sibling. (You know, you can send me a check. I’m that good. I tell you what you already know!!) But seriously, those things do come into play, they account for how we make our way in the world as adults, and honestly, the fact that you’re NOT repeating the patterns you grew up with in blind fashion makes you one of the well-adjusted ones.
All that said, you are truly a fearless woman. HA! Just kidding. I’d have another one too, only Annabelle was pretty hard-won (I’ll tell you that story over a drink one day, when you move to NJ to be closer to Bon Jovi), and my delivery was traumatic, exhausting, and difficult to recover from (pre-eclampsia, hemorrhaging, you know, fun things like that). So I need a little time to recover before the next one!!
Sane, sane, sane. Enjoy every minute of this pregnancy, you deserve it!!!
Of course you’ll manage beautifully with two! (Or three…or four?)
- Robyn
I don’t think you’re crazy since I thought the same way. Except that we decided to start thinking about thinking about getting pregnant and boom, I was. Now our kids are almost sixteen months apart and hmm… it’s tough. If I had it to do over again, I would have listened to all of those annoying people butting in with their advice and wait a little longer but in another year or two it’s going to be great.
I’ve gone over this in my head so many times: better to wait or better to just jump in with both feet? Seems likes there are pros and cons both ways. Yeah, double strollers suck; it’s probably pretty tough at first, etc. BUT it means you get to be home when your kids are little and then go back to work sooner (if that’s what you’re in to). It means your kids will be closer in age and have a better opportunity to bond. It means that when the second is out of diapers you’ll be done with that business. It means that you won’t have to store all the baby stuff forever and ever and let it get all crappy in the garage because you’re just going to use it again in a few months. It means you don’t have to re-buy anything. It means they can share toys; that your stuff won’t get out of date; you won’t have to re-read the childcare books because you will have just gone through that stage. In short, it’s very efficient to have babies close together. Rock it, Mrs. NoTouching. You’re going to do great.
You’re not crazy. You’ll do it.
I had to take care of my younger brother too. And by take care of I mean basically raise.
Thanks ladies! And Abby, I will use your comment as an official documention and proof of my mental stability.
I took a wrong turn! What street is the looney bin on again? The huz and I are officially ttc-ing again so we will probably be joining your wagon soon. When are you due?
Oh it’s right over here! Make yourself at home
I am over the moon for you! Sending good vibes your way. I am due August 7th.
You are not crazy, I think you are brave because you know your goal and jumped right into it without hesitation. I want more kids and would like them to be close in age, too, but I’m terrified–of how I’ll manage to take care of Maleah during the parts of the pregnancy that leave me really tired when I’m already exhausted enough as it is, of going through the whole giving birth thing again, and of how well I’ll be able to care for both kids during those rough first couple of months of massive sleep-deprivation. But procrastinating isn’t going to make it any easier, so I really don’t know what we’re waiting for–maybe some miracle like a winning lottery ticket so we can afford a bigger house and a full-time nanny? I am so proud of you (and a little jealous, I must admit), you are going to do awesome! (And if there are rougher days with the two kids that you are exhausted and don’t feel like you’re doing awesome, you will still keep those two cuties clothed, fed, and loved, and nothing else is really going to ruin their childhood now, is it?) You deserve the congratulations, fireworks, and a parade! And I hope to get over my fear and join you on the crazy side of the fence sometime soon.
First, congratulations! Second, yes, for a while after #2 is born you will think you were crazy… but then it gets better. My first was 18 months when I got preg with #2. I was not ready. I cried. But now that they are 4 and 2, it is fun–they play together and shut themselves in the closet and giggle, so I am happy that they are fairly close in age.
Thanks for stopping by!