I’ve been reading more and more posts about new moms having hard time finding friends. I am putting the end to this, ladies. RIGHT NOW. Follow these five easy steps to find yourself the best kick-ass mommy friend, build your tribe and take over the world.
Step 1: Start your day by looking in the mirror and belting out “I am so pretty oh so preetyyyy!” wink, flip your hair, repeat.
Step 2: Brush your teeth but leave that peace of broccoli from yesterday’s food fight in your hair – the evidence that your toddler is on a proper diet.
Step 3: Dress to blend into the background, sneak up, hit her over the head and drag her into your cave… OR alternatively, you could do the usual “weather talk” to warm her up (note: breastfeeding, baby-wearing, co-sleeping or birth choices are NOT ice-breakers) then… hit her over the head.
Step 4: Never ask her for a phone number first. Remember – you have plenty of friends (your Facebook and other imaginary friends count too). Tell her that you and a couple of your friends were thinking about going to some sort of public event and casually mention she is welcome to join you. If she shows up you can tell her all the other kids got sick and couldn’t make it.
Step 5: If she never shows up and acts like she doesn’t know you the next time you run into her… just remember, there are two types of people out there – those who like you and idiots. Life is simpler that way.
Let me know if any of this works… (if it doesn’t you can also try The Costco Cart Matching Service) Also, I am looking for more mommy friends, so don’t make me come over and hit you over the head…
LOL step 4 & 5 are my fav.
LOL Love it!
Gwenn´s last blog ..My Little Guy is 3!
Too funny. I will now wear a helmet to all potential “mom” functions so as to avoid being hit over the head. Which is SURE to win me lots more friends, or at least is a non-controversial conversation starter (assuming ANYONE is willing to talk to someone wearing a helmet.)
I’m going to try this today!
I’m a fan of hitting anyone over the head for any reason…You’ve got a friend in me, not need to impress me.
Damn, and here I’ve been trolling Meetup and hauling my kid out to Free Kindermusik classes. I could have just been whacking people over the head the whole time! So much faster! With all of my new free time, I’ll totally be able to spend more than .2 seconds looking in the mirror while I brush my teeth! Rock!
Beth´s last blog ..First Haircut!
I love this! You’re so right about breastfeeding and co-sleeping being horrible ice-breakers. HA HA! Thanks for the shout out
Now you need to move to Brooklyn!!!
Old School/ New School Mom´s last blog ..According to Your Costco Cart We are a Match!
OMG!
ROFLMAO!!!! So THAT’S what I’ve been doing wrong all this time!
Jenn´s last blog ..The Mommy Diet
Just found a big stick and heading to the playground now. Wish me luck, ladies!
I think you print this out and make about a few copies, my friend. It’s always nice to have a handy guide when making new friends.
Hugs and Mocha,
Stesha
Stesha´s last blog ..Until Next Time
I’m so going to save this into the notes section of my iPhone and bring it everywhere with me on my search for the ulimate BFF.
Haha- great post, btw!
Well, I just think this is a bit of brilliance on your part. You should give seminars.
Unknown Mami´s last blog ..Hasta la Vista!
brilliant idea with the broccoli except my luck that is when I meet the man of my dreams who really wouldn’t give a shit what I feed my kid
jessica´s last blog ..I’m Not Big On People “Dropping By”
Very good! Will you write the next one on how to loose a psycho Mom friend