So. Contrary to popular belief, a 17-th month old is perfectly capable of premeditated murder.
The first day at the hospital Leila acted as if she has been issued a restraining order against her brother. 10 feet… no closer. She only walked up to me after I gave Liam to my mother. The next day she finally got close enough… just so she could scream ‘NO!’ and whack him over the head. Liam was only 3 days old and I was already examining him for head injuries…
At home it got progressively worse with each day. Eventually she wanted to be on my lap every time I was breastfeeding or holding Liam. I just end up having them both on my lap (thank you, God, for the thunder-thighs that can easily seat two children) while trying to protect Liam’s head… and his eyes… I basically need a baby helmet. So much for trying to pull off the look of Madonna breastfeeding her baby… with the light streaming impressionistically through high windows to illuminate a domestic scene of order, calm and maternal bliss… and me in an obligatory soft gauzy veil… aaaaah… Instead it’s more like a weird baby wrestling on a couch with me in a breast milk stained t-shirt and a burping cloth over my shoulder.
It’s been 10 days since we brought Liam home and things are getting slightly better… well, she pretty much ignores him and me… IF I hold Liam. On the upside? Whenever Dennis walks in the room now, he gets a full blown rock star treatment. It’s PAPA!PAPA!PAPA! all.day. long. I don’t know how Dennis feels about it, but oddly I am relieved and somewhat happy that she is finally really bonding with her father. And I am sure that once Liam is older and doesn’t breastfeed every forty-fricking-five minutes for two hours… I will have more time for her too.
The worst part this far has been a surprising feeling of guilt on my part. Completely irrational and surely hormonal. Since my mom doesn’t drive I feel like Leila’s outings and activities have been cut in half. Which I knew would happen, I just didn’t expect to be so paralyzed with guilt… Leila is perfectly happy and gets to run around the neighborhood daily, so really there is absolutely nothing to feel guilty about. And as of today I am making a conscious decision to… LET IT GO, because I am a great mom and there is nothing to feel guilty about. Wish me luck…
We did prep Leila for her little brother’s arrival (as much as you can prep a 17-month old who mostly was just using your belly as a perfect jumping off point), but here are a few things I wish I’ve done differently:
1. I did show her how to breastfeed her doll and played the game were I was doing it on the couch. What I wish I’ve done is sit there longer… at least 15 – 20 minutes, because it seems that the amount of time I spent feeding Liam frustrates her the most. And asking toddler to be patient is like trying to stop Lindsay Lohan from drinking and driving.
2. Carry her baby doll in a carrier… really I just didn’t think about it and now she wants to pull him out… by his hair, of course.
3. Put in a second car seat and drive her doll in it with her in the back… this would have probably minimized the explosion of NOOOOO! when she saw another car seat next to her. I’m just lucky she was strapped.
4. Blast loud music every 3 hours or so – a slight hearing loss would have done wonders for my sanity.
And as I am typing this Dennis is putting together our double stroller… Cannot wait to see Leila’s reaction to that…
Good luck. I’m sure it isn’t easy. thanks for the tips. Not sure if I’ll ever need them, but you never know…
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Oh man. You make me so excited for November when Ava will welcome her new sibling… maybe since she’ll be almost 21 months, she will be more accommodating. (BAhahaha)….
My good friend has a two year old and she is just the sweetest thing around Liam. At that age a month or two makes a huge difference in their behavior and understanding. Your kids will do great… I am crossing my fingers for you
Duly noted! I’m going to be working your list for the next couple weeks.
Also? I’m probably going to steal this post title at some point in the next few months, so just a heads up on that.
JJ Keith´s last blog ..Cursing Nursing
You? Use my title? I would feel like the biggest deal ever!
OH CRAP.
You know? You really have a knack for scaring the living hell out of me this week. THANK YOU. I SHALL GO DIE NOW.
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Oh great… I just killed one of my readers… way to be.
just give it a little time. my oldest was 15 or 16 months when we brought his brother home. he (literally) screamed every time i nursed the baby for about four weeks. then it must have clicked that this is the new norm and from then on, he was smitten with his brother. they’re now 2yo and 3yo and absolutely best of friends.
MommyNamedApril´s last blog ..it marches on
Thanks! I could surely use some hope
Oh man you are bringing back memories….Amelia cried every time I fed Johnnie, every time. But eventually she got over it.
And the guilt was horrible but you will let it go someday, honestly I am still working on it. When I get home from work and they are both trying to climb up me I don’t know who to kiss first.
But it does get better, I promise!
Letting it go is the best advice you could have given yourself. You’re clearly such a great mom so don’t worry – this too shall pass and they’ll both turn out fantastic and happy! Is it bad that your post made me giggle? I think it’s only b/c I’ve so beyond that stage. Hugs to you, mama! Love your blog!
Laughing about it all is the only way I can get through it… errr… you are giggling WITH me, right?
Good luck to you! Perhaps once she realizes Liam isn’t going anywhere (despite her attempts to make that happen) she will start adjusting. I am going to share this blog with my friend who is pregnant w/ #2 (her oldest will just be turning 2 when the new bundle arrives). You gave some great pre-baby arrival suggestions that I’m sure she’ll use!
Jessica´s last blog ..Tomato Monster
Thanks a million, Jessica!
Is that what it takes to get the ‘baby’ closer to daddy? Looking forward to it! I should say that it’s happening a little bit more but still very attached to mom.
Do you think Leila understand that there’s no return on the baby? I guess since Liam hasn’t been going anywhere she may have a clue. I’m sure she’ll come around. One day…
Whoa, double stroller!
Oh, the love and envy of the siblings. Cannot live with each other and will not want to live without each other.
They will thank me later, right?
Congrats! As someone approaching her second pregnancy, I took notes on the above- what I wish I did- list. Leila will settle in to her new role, just in time for Liam to start stealing her toys
Wishing you all the best and a much easier transition!
Oh Daiva, you will need all the patience… But every day you are becoming wiser! In a week or two you will forget the problems you were facing! Good luck, the best mummy!
Oh I don’t want to forget… because that’s how baby number 3 is going to happen! And I seriously could use a 6 hour nap.
First off, congrats again! Second, I am impressed you’re trying breastfeeding again. If I ever have another one, I’m not sure what I’ll do. Third, I have not presented my child with a sibling and yet, she’s in full-on Daddy mode. It’s starting to get irritating. “Can Mommy have a hug?” “NOOO!!!!” (Running to Daddy and hugging him instead.) WTF?! I GAVE YOU LIFE!!! OK, calming my insanity since this, after all, is about YOU.
Leila is going to make one kick-ass big sis. But for a while, anyway, I imagine her the way our dog is with Annabelle: fiercely protective, barks every time she cries–but mostly wants nothing to do with her and occasionally bears his teeth. Not the worst relationship ever! 
Hang in there chica. Sending hugs!
Oh balls! I am so scared for when I give birth to #2 now! Crap. They are all premeditated I guess. I need to invest in a baby helmet I guess…
Old School/New School Mom´s last blog ..Huggable Hangers Review
The only thing I’ve experienced with Alexa that’s even remotely similar is when I held my friend’s 4 month old. She flipped! She even gets mildly jealous when I rock her baby dolls when it’s time to sing to sleep, HA!
I hope she gets used to things soon, but if she doesn’t at least it makes for great blog fodder.
OH, btw, did you get the double stroller that has the ability to let them face each other? She would totally *love* that ;D
Amber´s last blog ..Last Names
When I was born my older sister (who was two) dismembered her dolls and tried to flush them down the toilet in a display of fury over my existence. Later she secretly wrapped a rubber band around one of my fingers, which my mother only discovered in the middle of the night when I wouldn’t stop screaming and my finger was blue. Ah, sibling love. Luckily, after…oh, maybe twenty years?…it got lots better
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